Here is my online dating profile I prepared for Loveawake dating site. I slapped this together in about 10 minutes. I'll break it down and elaborate sometime later today (EDIT: scratch that. I'll update this tomorrow. Lots of research and lots of game to share.):
***My name is Todd with two d's***
Looking for Mr. Right? Then you're not looking for me. But when you get tired of all of those boring right guys, I'm what's left. Yeah. You like that. I like my cheese in a can. I had a much more formal profile until I took out the garbage. Must be trash day. I was wondering what that smell was. No, wait, I think I just farted. "Oh my god, so gross!". And yes, I just said that on my profile.
Trying to find a guy that's going to pull up in his Rolls-Royce and offer you his Grey Poupon? No? Good. Cause I don't have any. Apparently, they don't sell Rolls-Royces at the local grocery store. My mustard be yellow baby, 'cause that brown be too fancy for me.
Want me to read you poetry? Awwww. How sweet. What? I wasn't talking about reading you poetry. I was talking about how schweet I'd look with a mullet and a six pack of Bud Light. If you think you're Miss Right, or is that Miss Left? Whatever. You get my point, and not my Grey Poupon. Back to what I was saying, if you think you can keep up with me, shoot me a message. And if not? Just shoot me.
You already know that I like to goof around, but that doesn't mean I'm not also serious. In fact, I'd say that I'm VERY straightforward about who I am and what it is that I want. There's no point in telling you who I am, as I believe you have already assessed that by my pictures and writing style, but let me tell you what it is that I want. I want a woman that's easy going, knows how to have fun and not take things so seriously, but at the same time, I want someone who's educated and knows what she wants out of life.
As a man, I understand that you need me to listen, but at the same time, you also need me to communicate with you. I understand that you need me to be nice, but at the same time not to be a door mat pushover type of guy. I understand that sometimes you need me to take my time with you, but at the same time I know that you may need me to knock the dishes off of the counter and handle business right then and there. And most importantly, I understand that you need me to be there for you, but at the same time to give you your space. I get it.
Don't assume that just because I message you, I'm going to be easy for you to obtain. I have standards, and I'm not an easy prize. However, if you seem like a pretty cool girl, then I can guarantee that you will find no one better than me. A little c**cky (someone please explain why they would filter that word)? Yes. But a fact is still a fact. ---
Girl, I take you to McDonald's. Get you a Happy Meal. Maybe even let you keep the toy. That toy may only be available for a limited time, but you and me? Girl we last forever. Word.*
*At participating restaurants only. While supplies last.